It took me awhile to finally decide to make this blog, I was
thinking of doing it right after the day when my work has ended. But things
aren’t going my way, I become lazy and nothing is coming out of my mind. So I
just let time pass by, and just go with what comes around day after day. After
2 months of holding on to it, I guess, now is the time to talk about things and
what really happened and what’s really inside my heart! I was in confusion when
my boss told me that I will be transferred to another boss, with no idea of how
is it going to be like, I said I’ll see and try. To cut the story short, the
job was okay, but the rules, it’s a no, no for me! I come up with a decision
not to take the new job, which I am supported by my family and some friends who
knows the whole story. In the midst of
this confusion and unintended resignation, I was asked many times, “what does
she says about it”, “what is her reaction with regard to it”, where is she from
all of that is happening”. I don’t want to put the blame on her because in one
way or another she’s the reason why I had a job for the past 6 months. And I am
thankful for that, I know that she had helped me and I had helped her too. But there
is a certain thing which I think is not beyond my control and that is my
emotion. That at the back of all these, I was mad, I was hurt, I felt I was
left hanging in the air, I was left with no choice. Yes! I maybe sensitive, but
being sensitive in a manner which I think I know I was truly hurt. The “She” is
a dear friend to me; we’ve been together for more than a decade and it really
pains me that after all these years, this can be happening to the 2 of us. I
had the job because She asked me to be her reliever because she’ll be giving
birth, then she’ll be back 3 mos. after. So she did. Everything was okay then,
we were helping out one another with the job, until this transferring thing
came. That’s the time I felt I was out in the picture; I am no longer part of
the workplace neither part of the plans. I felt no support coming from her, I
was hoping that she’ll do something about it, or the least she can do is to try
to talk to our boss. I’m not into self-pitying or asking for sympathies, I am
only wishing that somehow she could’ve done something during that difficult
time.:( In my mind, She is the last sort I have to stay in the job, (previous
one) But none of that happens, for all I know..
So, I left the new job, I am
currently a bum right now, with all that has happened, I will say, here I go
again.. “Frustrated” “Depressed” “Stressed” I am Defeated! It’s not easy
admitting such things when all I ever wanted is to work. But things happen in a
snap of a finger, that I can’t do anything about it.
As I look back over the
past six months I’ve learned a lot, I realized that life would really turn you
upside down, that people will come and go into your life. Some you will either
choose to stay, or not. Some will
remember you, some will not. It’s how you treated them and how well you leave a
mark in their lives. For me, I know in my heart that I’ve tried my best to be
friends with them, to be true and let them see the real me. I’m not perfect,
never will I, I have made mistakes, but that’s me. Whether they like or hate me
it’s up to them. All I know is that I was happy meeting all of them. Anyways,
this has always been a problem with me, when I get too attached to people and
learned to love and value them, I always get hurt in the end. Parting has
really been a headache for me, I know because I’ve gone through it, and it
wasn’t easy. With what happened, I need to endure it, and it hurts a lot coz I
miss them. I miss everything about REXSUN, the work, the office and most of all
the people. Oh geez! Crying has always been a constant friend of mine, but it
soothes me. It’s my way of breathing from all the hurts I’m feeling.
I miss the
BOSS, who has a very charming face, who once said that he wants to see me happy
someday with someone, that he is hopeful! I miss the PROJECT MANAGER, who has a
very nice voice and sings very well, who wants to be watched with all of his
videos on his tab. We didn’t get along well at first, he actually made me cry,
but things turn out good on the latter. I miss the GENERAL MANAGER, the KUYA
who always throws a joke to brighten up the day, our defender, the shock
absorber. I miss the ARCHITECT, I always believe in his capabilities, his works
were amazing! At such a young age, he takes life independently, and knows no
boundaries when it comes to pursuing his dreams. I know He’ll make it! I miss
the OTHER ARCHITECT, soft-spoken and he’s very down to earth. He listens that’s
why he learns. I hope that he’ll finish his degree and He’ll make it too! I
miss the ENGINEER, the small guy who has his own beliefs, but he listens too.
One day he’ll make it big if he’ll be better and do the right thing! I miss the
NEW ONE, the right hand man of the boss. Who’s very quiet, but laughs aloud.
He’s nice to me when I’ve already been transferred. He helped me a lot, and he
made things easy for me during my 1 week stay in the “new” work. And it was
nice working with him. I miss all the people I met there, the people I used to
get along with. The people who warmly accepted me and had help me during my 1 week stay. Most of all, I miss the SECRETARY, who helped me built my
confidence, who believes that I can get through the entire job when she’s not
around, who backs me up whenever things are not going well, who is a friend, a
very dear one to me!:( It’s sad, but I decided to keep a distant for a while.
To sort things out and to just let time heal what has been burned. I miss them
but I have to let go.