 |
| Four Sisters in One |
This has been a long overdue post, I’ve drafted this May 17 of last year, probably because I was in the verge of frustration and disappointment made by usual circumstances that happen recently. I gave this entry a title based on the movie Four Sisters and a Wedding on which I consider one of the best movie star cinema has ever produced. I liked the casting, the plot of the story, the climax, even the lines that surely have caught me off -guard. Yes! I cried the first time I saw it in cinema with my mom and my brother, and I still cry whenever I get to watch it in cinemaone. The reason why, maybe because every time I see it, I am reminded of myself as Teddie, as Bobbie, as Alex and as Gabbie, each characterized with own set of strengths and vulnerabilities.
Theodora Grace "Teddie" Salazar played by Toni Gonzaga is the eldest of the four, the sister in Spain, who tries to get by with her quick wit and gift of humor. Teddie is proof that there is always more to a person than meets the eye. She pretends that she still works as a teacher in Spain but apparently she was laid off because she is not that good, and for her to be able to compensate for her family, she decided to work double as a waitress and a maid. I see myself as Teddie, someone who’s witty and loves to make people happy, but inside of her is a deep secret which is her number of weaknesses many people don’t know about her. Teddie mirrors the inadequacy and self-perceive failure we all felt as children. And Yes! I am a failure, almost 10 years ago when I graduated from college; none of the things I hoped and dreamed for has ever gotten to life. My simple dream of having a stable job to compensate for my family’s needs, give gifts, surprise birthdays/celebrations, pay out during our hang outs/dinners/lunch and many other things has been very hard for me. I must say I have hit the rock bottom of my life where I no longer want to look for a job because what I feel is the many rejection I faced every time and that made me sluggish. It’s just one day I found myself incompetent, discourage and lack self confidence. The difference between Teddie and I, she managed to pursue her career despite being rejected from her profession as a teacher, she is composed and edgy in her fashion look and she is a favorite, I am not!:( She is a maid in Spain, and me, I am as what they call and treat me.
Roberta Olivia "Bobbie" Salazar played by Bea Alonzo a sophisticated corporate woman, the achiever among the four sisters who lives in New York. She is the most driven, ambitious and eventually hardened New Yorker who had to fight to stay alive. She has a boyfriend named Tristan portrayed by Sam Milby who has a daughter named Trixie where Bobbie struggled to get her approval of because Trixie thinks she’s not worthy of her Dad. Bobbie decided to fly in to New York for her family’s sake, she worked hard to reached the successful woman she has become. Despite of being an “achiever” she still felt that she’s not getting the appreciation she wanted and longs from her family. I see myself as Bobbie not as an achiever, but a daughter who wished to be appreciated. This is where I really broke down in to tears whenever the confrontation scene of Teddie and Bobbie plays. Bobbie has the longest lines which truly hit me the most. One of which is “Hindi dahil matigas ako, wala na akong nararamdaman. Nasasaktan din ako.” And when she admitted that she is envious of her sister’s remarkable traits such as Alex were being an adventurous, Gabbie having the maternal instinct and Teddie having the sense of humor which I’m reminded of these lines where Bobbie told her Mom Grace played by Coney Reyes that she’s ok not being her favorite. BOBBIE: *to Teddie* Sana nga nagkaroon ako ng sense of humor mo. Bentang benta kasi sa akin ‘yon. Bentang benta rin kay Mama. Kaya nga siguro lahat ng atensyon niya nasa'yo. GRACE: Are you saying that I’m unfair? BOBBIE: No, Ma. I’m saying you have your favorites. This really slapped me straight into my nose, I am sure that I am not my Mom’s favorite. My sister thinks that I and our brother is our Mom’s favorite because they think that I’m the most complicated yet very sensitive child. Little did she know that long before, I have already accepted that I’m not one of my Mom’s favorite, it’s actually her (my sister) and our brother. It’s hard being the middle child, many will understand where I’m coming from but sure it does. I have to fight for my position, and I think that’s what made me so cold and hard to deal with, I have to show everyone the toughness in me where being loud and hot tempered all the time was only my defense mechanism so that they won’t notice that I am actually torn inside. The difference between Bobbie and I, she is definitely an Achiever in her own right. She can buy everything and she can give and was able to help her family. More so, she has Tristan, Oh how I love the scene during their wedding when Bobbie said, “I’m sorry if I made you wait” and Tristan answered “You were worth the wait!” voila! Am I worth the wait? Or should I be the one asking? How long will I wait for my own Tristan? Is there really someone waiting for me, too?!
Alexandra Camille "Alex" Salazar played by Angel Locsin the third among the four sisters who works as an assistant director. The “black sheep” as what she has been described. She is very independent, lives in her own; she has the most complicated life, trying to be someone because she wants to make her Mom proud of her. Unfortunately, she and Bobbie had a conflict because she fell in love with Bobbie’s ex boyfriend. I see myself as Alex not because Angel Locsin is the one who portrays the role, but being someone who is left out all the time, someone who tries harder to be understood. She speaks her mind with conviction, I do too. I don’t consider myself as the “black sheep” but I must say, I’m the one who has no direction in life, just like Alex, her life is somewhat not miserable as I am, but she does not know where she stands. She tries to earn respect because she deserves to. And I like it when she said “Ang sarap ng pakiramdam pag merong nakaka-appreciate sa'yo.” I guess the bottom line right here is, I’m trying to get attention because I just want to be appreciated. The difference between me and Alex, no matter how “kulelat” she has become because of her decisions in life, she managed to still be the person she used to be, and that she is appreciated even in small things she did for the family.
Gabriella Angela "Gabbie" Salazar played by Shaina Magdayao, is the youngest girl among the Salazar sisters. She is described as the old maid. She is a teacher by profession and the only sister left for their Mom along with their brother. She is complacent and content in stature. Probably among the four, though she had the minimal role as they say, I can say that I really see myself as Gabbie the way I am today. Since I have never gotten a stable job, I’ve been use to being a stay at home, always next to my Mom, looking after her, helping her in the household chores, sometimes I cook, I clean the house, the usual me as often called every time at any time. I love to cook as Gabbie does; she is in charge of everything when her sisters arrived. I also am in charge of everything when it comes to being the assistant cook, household help and the dishwasher of all time. I am also tagged as an old maid, because I’ve been single for the last 31 years of my life. Being a homebody person has an advantage, I get to know every detail of the household; I can also look after my Mom, and act as the eldest among the 3 of us. Well, I admit there are times that I get too overboard. The disadvantage, I lack in so many things, I don’t even have money to get my hair done, clothes/shoes to buy it’s as if I’m not entitled to because I don’t have a job, I should be content and just wait whenever and if they want to. Specifically, the one who oppose, contradict and has a negative say everytime. I hate to say this, I encounter this number of times but was never noticed! Maybe there’s nothing much of a difference between me and Gabbie, only that she has a stable job, and her act of kindness and love for her family has been appreciated so she was given a biscuit cake as her prize.
I love how I make people happy just like Teddie, and even though there are times that I feel like I am treated as a maid, its okay with me, because I love serving people around me. It gives me the fulfillment that I was able to serve in my own little way. I’m happy whenever I get my chores done properly and organized. Just like Teddie, I also have fears that I may not be accepted the way I am and has become. I don’t need criticisms in a manner that even my happiness becomes a disappointment. I have made my heart as hard as a rock just like Bobbie, because of so much pain inside of my heart. I’ve tried many times to let go and get over my frustrations but I end up as one hell of a failure. I never felt loved by the men I chose to love, never loved and treated the way I should be treated just like any other women. Never been taken care of, never felt protected as man should protect his woman, and of course never been appreciated, especially by some people around me. However, I should have been content just like Bobbie, because after all these years, what’s important is they raise me, feed me and give me home, I should start accepting that and not expect anything in return. I feel lost, I don’t know where my life is heading, all I know is that God has plans over my life, and I have surrendered many times to Him. Just like Alex, I am a work in progress, I still think of my future actions trying to fix myself to be worthy and make the people around me especially my Mom be proud of me. And just like Gabbie, I will always love my family, I will always be around when they need me, I will always be me even if they don’t see the good inside of me.
I am not envious of my brother and my sister for what they have and what they have become; instead I am always been proud of them in everything they have accomplished. I admire them and appreciate them for the things they have done in me and for considering me despite my flaws and imperfections. And I will love them as much as I love my Mom and my Dad because they are the only family I’ve got! Hence, I love my Mom because I know despite of her imperfections, she loves us the best way she knows how!
I guess my silence has been heard, but they will never know the truest and deepest meaning of it. Ano nga ba? Let me share some instances or probably my most secret grudges I held for so long. I remember Bobbie when she reiterated the things why she felt not being a “favorite”. The bag, I experienced the same but in a different manner, my sister and I were in high school, I tried to borrow her bag but she refused to, she never wanted me to use her things, on my part she can. We did fight about it, Mom said I have my own, why do I even bother to borrow, to cut the story short, I never had the bag, my sister won the fight! I used to be an Achiever too, back in my pre-elementary years, I placed 2nd in our class, had gold medals and trophies, but it was never enough. My sister, she had only one but was given what she asked for. From then, I started to accept that things will never be equal, will never be fair, and I will never be a favorite. Well, I also had my glorious days, have had braces which cost 50 thousand all in all. Have my birthday celebrated every year to which sometimes I even have to plead for it. Was given and bought clothes, shoes and other stuffs mainly because it has been a tradition yearly that we should be wearing new ones during holidays, again I have to plead for some instances, because Mom only wants me to buy one instead of two. One time I nearly got out of the mall crying just because she constantly objects. I am aware that not all I want, I get, because of the fact that I don’t have a job, I don’t have the right to ask for more. I do understand that not everything comes easy, every time I would ask for money whenever I go out, it will be use against me. So I intentionally have prepared myself for it, I’ll just swallow my pride and let them say what they want, because that’s how it works. And to cover up that money, I will clean the house. I also get offended many times, but they don’t know about it. Who would not want to have someone in your life? Someone who will love and accept you, someone who will be there and spend the rest of your life with? I want, I hope, and I pray! But whenever we talk about it they would just say “magmatwa neng dalaga” or “atin kaya” “nung buri mu masanting ing kasal mu, mantun kang gumastus, nung atin yang panggastus”. They are jokes, but jokes are half meant! Right? How insensitive?! Where my hopes of having my own family are replaced by negative thoughts and comments such as these words?!
But my younger brother has always been neutral in everything. He tries to equal and be fair as he can. He knows when and what to joke around. He taught me to fight, that I should not let anyone belittle me. I remember one instance where I’ve been scolded for something they do not know nor understand where I’m coming from. That was 2 years ago, I was expecting my Mom that she will buy us some food because I haven’t eaten lunch on that particular day, so when they came home she did not bring any but instead we were given only pieces of pizza to which we are only allowed to have one. I was disappointed, not because of the pizza but because I was so hungry and tired after I clean the house for the celebration of my grandfather’s birthday that will be held in our house, yet I wasn’t given something to indulge with, and that I didn’t get what I expected from my Mom which she usually does every time she will go to the mall. Instead, I get scolded by a person who didn’t even know the reason behind my rage. I was so angry inside because I wasn’t even defended by my Mom, I didn’t get to defend myself neither because this person thinks she has all the power to do so of belittling someone. I was so disappointed and disheartened by that occurrence because my Mom just let that happened. Unfortunately, the only person who will defend me is not around, my brother! I just felt relieved when he arrived, I found comfort and support in him. That’s the time he told me that I should fight for my right that I should not let that happen again. And then there’s more, but I won’t reiterate further.
As I see myself on the roles of the four sisters, I would just like to know, how do people see me? Do they also see me the way I see myself in Teddie, Bobbie, Alex and Gabbie? Honestly, I don’t really know who I am now, I am lost, I am broken, but one thing I’m certain of, God still loves me! I may get overboard again, too dramatic, but this is how it goes, this is how my life goes. I just want to breathe, to unwind, to forget all these, be happy and live happy. I just have to be strong for myself and just learn that things will get by and soon this will be over!
