REGRETS.....

About a few days ago, I was strike by fever due to colds, cough and flu so I was stuck in the house without doing much and all I can do is think and think and think.  Times like these puts me in a situation where I reminisce and look back to the things I didn’t do over the past 5 years. Here, I began to pity myself.  Suddenly, a lot of things came up into my mind and there I saw myself crying inside, asking myself what have I done? I’m REGRETFUL! I came to realized how regretful I am for the things I’ve lost. I knew that I was the only one to blame but I didn’t do anything about it. May be I tried, but it wasn’t enough. A few days back, I’m feeling a little burdened something I feel in my heart that is so hard to bear. I tried to disregard it and pretend that everything is alright. But inside of me, the pain is growing stronger. When circumstances like this strike me what I usually do is open up to someone who is very close to me who I think would understand and not judge me. I’m thinking who among my friends I will tell about it just to ease the pain. Afterward, Thursday night came, God send me in the person of my brother. We had a very nice conversation, a heart to heart one. I told him the things that bother me, things that I’ve been carrying in my heart, grudges, burdens, hurts, pains. Somehow, I know he understand where I’m coming from. I shared Him the blog I’ve read the night before that night we talked; I summarized it with the word I kept on thinking over and over which is MASAYA KA BA? I answered him, maybe I thought I was but I’m not! He told me that he saw how hurtful I am. He saw the pain in my eyes. How my life turned miserable when I lost my job, when all of my dreams shattered in a blink of an eye. He said, I know what you have gone through, I know how hard it is for you to get back up every time you fall. Maybe what he’s trying to imply was he knows that I’m not that strong and what happens to me every time is my weakness is being tested over and over that pushes me to almost give up! I told him, that’s TRUE! I don’t have any fall back that is why when things are going down; I don’t know where to go. And I told him, you know what is my dream Paul? My dream is to help mom in sending you to college and in all our other expenses. You know, the feeling of being able to give of what you have, big or small. The accomplishment I will get from there will mean so much to me that I can say I’m FULFILLED! While I’m trying to hold back my tears I can feel how much he wanted to reinstate me, He was trying to say the best words to encourage and uplift me and I felt that. As I compose myself again to what we were talking and sharing, at the back of my mind I felt I was a bit relieved from the burdens and hurts that I’m going through. And I must say, still I’m THANKFUL! 

We talked about so many things that night, as the clock ticks and it’s late in the evening we decided to end the conversation and just continue it the next time, anyways this is not the first time we shared our thoughts, it was just the right time for the right reason. 

But my agony didn’t stop from there, as I went inside my room and close my eyes, that’s the time I burst into tears. I cried so hard but didn’t let anyone hear it. I cried, as I look back to the things I lost! Yes! It’s been 5 years since I started my life out of school. I never thought that life will be hard as this. I admit, I wasn’t prepared enough and the only words I can say is “If Only” “What If” “Why”. I felt envious to those people who I dreamed to be. Hearing their stories of fulfilling and achieving their dreams makes me realized that behind this quote “Time lost maybe will never be found again” is so TRUE! I have let the opportunities go coz I thought I can find it easily; I took them all for granted. It is in this time that I realized it’s already too late! Tears keep on falling as I begged God for help, for his forgiveness and for his healing of my broken life. I know I need to do that, I should have done that long time ago, I was just holding on too tight that I can’t let go! I thought I did, but I didn’t! I’ve been living a miserable life where I don’t know where and how I’m going to start again. It’s like a piece of puzzle which is missing, not totally missing but don’t know where to fit in to fill and complete the puzzle. My life has been a roller coaster that is broken, stuck down, a bicycle perhaps which is not moving because I’m not peddling the pedal. I can name as many examples as I can, but the bottom line will be it is my entire fault! I admit and accept that! Looking back into the past, I see myself as someone who I wasn’t the person everyone knew all along, a person that has full of dreams, full of potential, full of ambitions and goals in life. Now, I don’t even know which way to go. If only flashbacks can be seen like what we see on tv, If only I can turn back the hands of time, If only, I would but I couldn’t! 

As I stuttered in praying I know God is listening and hearing my cries. He sees what is inside my heart. He knows my struggles and the pains I’ve been carrying all this time. The pretentions, lies as I tell the world that I’m happy when in fact, I AM NOT! Maybe there were times that in this journey of life I was able to be happy and smile, but it doesn’t stay long and the smile only covers the outside but not the inside. I tried to uttered lines from all the verses I know because it is from HIS Word where I draw strength and gives me the hope that I still have my chance. I kept on crying until I say to the Lord, “susuku kuna ngan pu kekayu” ikayu napu ing manibala keng biye ku.” I added, “Forgive me for all the things I’ve done, for all the mistakes, for the times I failed you, for the times I stumble and took you for granted.” It may not be the exact words but I know that is how I earnestly pray and seek Him during that moment.

I guess my life will never stop from this, I will fall, fail, stumble over and over but I will never lose hope and never ever  lose my FAITH in GOD because that’s the only thing I’m holding on to, to keep going. Whatever life takes me, I know God has a special purpose in my life, His plans are always better than mine. I am not perfect, never will I, but He is a perfect God with a perfect and unconditional love for me! 

*Scripture verses that I keep in my heart:

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:33

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

*A song that reminds me that He will not leave me..

♪♫..A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise..♪♫

As I end this, I will repost what I posted in my fb status:

“I'm going through tough times nowadays, Am I Happy? maybe Not, but I know I'm Blessed and Loved by my Family, Friends and most especially JESUS! and with that, I'm THANKFUL..!”

Godbless!:D

♫♪ SONGS of my HEART! ♪♫

What songs are on your playlist? Or should I ask, what were the songs that best describes how and what you feel and the significance of that particular song in your heart? To give you a sample of it, let me share you my own personal choice of songs and their significance in my life!

TERRIFIED by Katherine McPhee and Jason Reeves

- I first heard this song when my brother played it in our computer, when I had my turn to use our computer, I kept on playing it over and over again till I get to memorized the chorus part. Then it suddenly pops out on my mind that this song is intended for the one who tickles my heart. So I shared it in Facebook, I remember my Besty Sheena commented and she wrote: InLove kana naman! And she’s right, I am in love with that person up until now.. 

♪And I’m inlove and I’m..I’m terrified..Lalalalalalala♫ 

KEY TO MY HEART by Jessica Jarrel

- The title says it all, Yes! coz though it is almost 2 years from the time I felt that I like him and we’ve been apart, He’s still the one who holds my heart. The chorus part best explains why I like this song so much, it goes like this:

♫But I don't wanna act a fool
Don't wanna look confused
If I let you know about the way I feel
Don't know what you gonna do
So I keep it locked inside
And imagine you were mine
And I'm feeling you so close but yet so far
You hold the key to my heart♪

It has always been my apprehension whenever I like someone that if they got to know my feelings for them,  either they will ignore me or they will stay as my friends. Base on my experience, they IGNORE! =( this is a sad truth that I often have to bear and will let my question WHY left unanswered.

SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD by Barry Manilow  revived by Nina

- I believe that we meet someone along our journey, we don’t know if that person will stay or not in our lives but somehow it has a purpose why we meet them somewhere down the road. And for me that happened, I met someone who changed my outlook in life, we became friends, and with no intention of falling in love, I did! We parted ways; I never get to see him till now. It may not have been too long for us to be together but I knew in my heart that someday our roads will cross again. Here’s a few lines of the chorus part:

♫But somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when♪

WITHOUT YOU by Charlie Wilson

- I’ve always love this song. For me, who was able to love but not love in return wish to be remembered by that someone who once became so special and dear to me. The lyrics on the chorus part that says:

♫Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you’re so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay♪

“I hope and I pray somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay” If by any chance that I don’t get the chance to see him again, I hope that Somehow I was able to leave a mark in his life that He’ll never forget me and that I’ll always have a place in his heart like he is to me.

I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY by Natalie Cole

- During the time when my mind is in confusion and I was totally depressed and devastated because I had problems in my work, the thought of I won’t be seeing him anymore everyday really kills me and that makes me miss him so much! So whenever I have the chance to sing in a videoke, I sing this song to somehow alleviate the pain of missing him!

IF EVER YOU’RE IN MY ARMS AGAIN by Peaboh Bryson

YOU’LL BE IN MY HEART by Phil Collins

- These 2 old songs were very significant to me because  when I used to see him, I was able to hold and use his phone for sound purposes. And these 2 songs were in his playlist. We even sang these songs together.

BEST THING I NEVER HAD by Beyonce

- I love Beyonce’s songs; one of them is this one best thing you never had. I’ve wanted to prove myself and let the other person see that I’m the BEST person that He’ll never have because he let me go. It may sound I’m bitter, but it’s true. It just goes to show how regretful he will be for not giving importance to the love I gave him that no matter how he wanted to have me back, I’m already over him! –I know this won’t happen, but at least I was able to express my bitterness, if ever! 

 ♫I wanted you bad,
I'm so through with it,
'Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had,
You turned out to be the best thing I never had,
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had,
Oh yeah, I bet it sucks to be you right now!♪ 

CHASING PAVEMENTS by Adele

- I learned this song from my brother and cousins, and though I’m not really familiar how good and famous Adele was, I just love the song and the lyrics in it.. The chorus part was very easy to memorize:

♫Should I give up or Should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?

Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place

Should I leave it there?

Should I give up or Should I just keep chasing pavements

Even if it leads nowhere?♪

This has been a question on my mind, Should I really give up, now????

 

ART OF LETTING GO by Mikaila

- It may sound cliché but you will all agree with me that LETTING GO is hard! Very hard, especially for those who love and have given their best to show how much they love the other person. Whenever I hear this song, there’s a part of me that I wanted to let go of the feelings and the person whom I am in love with. On the other hand, a part of me still wanted to hold on. I know that every single/in a relationship/married boy/girl who have been in this situation have the same dilemma. In my case, I love the person but the person doesn’t love me in return. It may seem easy to let go but for me who has been longing for someone who’ll love me in return, letting go is really hard. Learning to let go of one person close to your heart is not that easy to do, it takes time, you have to go through the process for you to be able to accept that not everything you wish and hope for will eventually come true. Going through the art of letting go is a learning experience, thus, its part of one’s life. It only helps you to grow bolder and braver. It lets you become stronger, so the next time you fall in love, you may be hurt but at least you know that you’re strong enough to let go! 

♫Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.♪

ALMOST by TAMIA

- I dedicate this song to my ex papsy A. Why? because I knew in my heart that we ALMOST had each other. He is the only one among the 3 men who I fell in love with who did not ignore me. Instead, he showed me that he also cares for me. We had the best memories that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. We understand each other, we compromise, and we give each other advices. He trusted me with his innermost thoughts, problems and all. We became good friends, it’s just that we were not meant to be together because at the time that we get close, he’s already in a relationship and his girlfriend is on her way for their first child! The sad thing is we didn’t have any closure, all I remember is the last time he texted me he asked me if I do still have feelings for him I replied and said. It’s all in the past, I’m happy for what we are today, friends! He never replied anymore, that was the last time. It just makes me sad that He didn’t even give me the chance to explain my side. I said that because He already has his child, though I know He’s having feelings for me, the fact that he and his girlfriend are trying to build their family, I assumed, I don’t want to ruin or be the reason of their failed relationship. I have my values and I’d rather be the one bearing the pain than to let that innocent being suffer.  I don’t have any regrets with my decision; I know it’s for the both of us!

GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD by Rascal Flatts

 - I first heard this song when Kris Aquino’s album was launched in ASAP, it was Toni Gonzaga who rendered the song. I like it because it gives me hope that God is writing my love story, with all the frustrations, pain and tears that I’ve gone through and no matter how rocky and bumpy the road I have been, God will bless the road and He will reveal the MAN who will take away all my fears, make all my shattered dreams into reality and will love me truly and unconditionally! Here’s the chorus part:

♫ Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you♪ 

MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER by Brian McKnight

- Everyone will agree on me that every Father wants their daughter to have and marry someone who will love, respect, care, and will treat their princess like a queen. Right? I bet my Dad is one of them. Unfortunately, He already passed away. =( I chose and love this song because I still want my soon to be boyfriend who will eventually propose to me will still ask for my Dad’s approval, I don’t know how, but if he wants to, he will. Right?  Whoever you are, I already gave you pointers on how you will pursue me and get my 100% Yes. It’s just up to you how you’re gonna do it! 

♫Can marry your daughter
And make her my wife
I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life
And give her the best of me 'til the day that I die, yeah
I'm gonna marry your princess
And make her my queen
She'll be the most beautiful bride that I've ever seen
I can't wait to smile
When she walks down the aisle
On the arm of her father
On the day that I marry your daughter♪ 

BEAUTIFUL DAYS by Kyla
- If I’m not mistaken, Kyla wrote this song for their wedding. I find it very nice and well executed. I love every word that is written on it. It' has been every girls dream to someday get marry and finally say her I do's to the Man he choose to love and be with forever. In short, I want this song to be played on my wedding day! I don’t know when is it going to happen and who will be the MAN who will be walking down the aisle with me, but one thing is certain, I’m looking forward for forever beautiful days that I’ll be spending it with you!

♪ I see beautiful days with you
I feel beautiful ways of loving you
You’ve touched my heart so deeply
And I can’t thank God enough
For all the beautiful days with you
I feel beautiful ways of loving you
Everything is just so wonderful
Every little thing is just so beautiful
When I spend it with you..♪

We all have our favorite songs that we wanted to be played and heard whenever we feel like being sentimental or the so-called emo moments! We give pleasure to ourselves to somehow make us feel relax and stress free even just for an hour or two. It soothes our mind when we feel like we just had a bad day. There were times that we just want to reminisce those good old days that we had with the person we dedicated the song with. In addition, we just want to embrace the thought of missing the person that we held in our hearts for so long. For me, each song that I included in my playlist has their own set of stories and meaning in my life. I put them as a reminder of that special person who once and still a very important person in my life!

A DECADE AFTER with DABERKADZ!

Our group name was originally from the word Dabarkads which was popularized by the number one noontime show Eat Bulaga. One of us started pronouncing it as “da ber” instead of “da bar” that's why we come up to DABERKADZ!

Abigaile – skinny, cute.She’s the adventurous if I may say among all of us. She’s very outgoing and loves to experience things on her way. Career Woman. In a relationship with Tim., plans to settle down not later than 5 years from now, she said!

Alena-  extrovert and very girly. She’s a loving wife to Errol and a loving mom to their son Lian. Errol and Alena are working very hard for the future of their family.

Cristine- convivial and sexy. She’s married to Prunz and mommy of their 2 beautiful daughters Reign and Aviel. She’s actually the most “kikay” among all of us and now she’s doing her best in her new found career, a 24/7 mom and a loving wife!

Eunice- petite, achiever. Yes! She is indeed the “BRAINY” of our group! I know that none of us will object with regard to this. She’s happily fulfilling her dreams. In a relationship with Jhune., and plans to settle down after I get married.Lol

Nissiel- fighter, frank. She cooks good food, very dependable. Mommy of Abby and a Loving wife to Jonald. She’s happy and fulfilled being a 24/7 mom and a supportive wife. Plans to have another baby for Abby to be an ate na!

Pamela- gorgeous! Yes! I claimed to be and because they are my friends they support me! Lol Someday, I’ll be able to achieve my goals in life. I’m a certified NBSB and I fervently hope that someone will break this label soon!

Our group was formerly consists of 7 smart, pretty, witty, intelligent, friendly, responsible, loving and caring ladies.  But due to uncontrollable circumstances, only 6 remained. 

Our Story..

We actually came from different set of groupings on our P.E class during our freshmen year in college. Then we suddenly became comfortable with each other and have built a good chemistry towards one another.  We easily get along well, we jive and we enjoyed each other’s company. Each of our personalities complements with one another. We respect one’s beliefs/cultures/religions as well our own set of opinions.  As time goes by; our group was not merely just a group but rather a friendship that was built by acceptance/trust/loyalty/understanding/comfort and most of all love.. 

Back when we were in college, we spend most of our time being together. We study we learn. We share answers, we back up each other!  We eat we gain weight! We were hurt we comforted one another. We had problems we helped each other. We cry we laugh! All these things happened in the four corners of our classroom that somehow help us to become more mature individuals as we face our everyday lives. I believe that this made our friendship more closely. 
But then again, there are things which are not beyond our control; Alena and Nissiel have to stop and left schooling due to their personal reasons. Abigaile also left school but came back a year after. So Cristine, Eunice, MayPearl and Me stayed and have to bear with the adjustments that we have to finish until the end of our course. But there are circumstances that don’t go our way. We have been tested; we even came to a point that we have to be divided for quite some time. It was the most difficult time on our friendship. Maypearl chose to be on her own. That’s the reason why only 6 remained. The 6 of us chose to renew the friendship, to strengthen the bond and continue the relationship of being friends. I must say that if there’s one thing that truly described our friendship is LOYALTY! We all learned from that conflict/misunderstanding/mistake call it whatever, but we knew in our hearts that Daberkadz will live and the 6  of us will not give up on it! Tin, Nice and I soon graduated; we completed our course with flying colors, 6 months after, Abigaile also graduated! We share this victory with our fellow Daberkadz Alena and Nissiel. I know that they were also proud of us!

After graduation, we have been apart for quite some time because we have to face the real world as adults. We had our struggling moments but we were able to overcome because though we are not seeing each other as often as we want, we were able to comfort, help and show our love for one another. We became each other’s strengths so we can achieve our goals in life. 

The following photos are manifestations of our friendship that though we have been separated by time apart and schedule, we still manage to see each other especially during fiesta or on our birthdays.

The above photos were taken during fiesta of 2007 and 2008. It was on 2008 that finally we were able to be completed again after several months of being apart after we graduated.

While in these photos, on the left was Eunice's birthday March of 2008 and on the right was Cristine's birthday August of 2008.

This photo was taken during our one summer outing at Villa Antonina on March 22, 2008

Fast forward, Alena, Nissiel and Cristine are now married with their chosen partners in life. Without a doubt, they were executing the best roles of their lives as housewives and moms. We all know that being a mother is a tough job; no amount of salary can compensate the happiness that they gain from their children. And as for their husbands, Errol, Jonald and Prunz, they have been a great provider, good father and a loving husband to their wives. I salute you all for a job well done!

 

This photo was taken during our visit to Tin when she first gave birth to her first born Reign. Along with us are Alena's son Lian and Nissiel's daughter Abby. 

The following photos below are their Family Pictures: (photo credits from them, Thank You!)

David Family
Daddy Errol+Mommy Alena=Lian Kyle

Coronel Family
Daddy Jonald+Mommy Nissiel=Abby

Yao Family

Daddy Joseph+Mommy Cristine=Reign Audree and Riane Aviel  

While Eunice and Abigaile, as I’ve said, they are happily in a relationship right now with their boyfriends, as time passes by, I believe that someday the 2 of them will eventually settle down too, I will never know, maybe in 2 years’ time. They’ve been working very hard to fulfill their dreams and accomplish their goals for their family and for their future plans ahead. Oh well, as I described myself earlier, I’ve never been into any relationship, BUT, my heart is taken by someone I can't call as my own now, my Daberkadz know that and again because they are my friends they support me and accept my craziness when it comes to love. I know that what they only want and wish for me is to meet that someone who will love me truly and will make me happy completely! And as for me, I will fulfill my goals in life too. 

This one is for the 3 of us who hasn't been married yet. The 2 right there on the upper left side is Abigaile with her boyfriend Tim. Meanwhile, the other 2 on the right side is Eunice with her boyfriend Jhune. Lastly, the 2 on the middle is Me and the "one" who has my heart.
(malakas loob ko na ilagay xa dito kse hindi nman nya makikita to..hahaha) but we'll never know baka may iba pla, pwedi naman palitan pag nangyari yon!

These 2 photos were taken during our post Christmas gatherings, the one on the left was taken on December 30, 2009 and on the right was taken on December 26, 2010

Here is our last get together, during our visit to Tin as she gave birth to her 2nd daughter Aviel.

I've always been proud and even prouder now to belong in this kind of camaraderie. We've been through the good and bad times, we've shared our laughter's  as well our tears. We've been through the hardest and we become the toughest! and yes! we're still we! I'm certain that whatever life takes us, we're strong enough to face them! As we celebrate our 10th year this June, my prayer will be for us to have a healthy life, happy relationship with our loved ones, success in our future endeavors, more bondings/get together, and that may we all live a happy and contented life! I pray that our friendship will go not just for a decade but for many many more years of fruitful togetherness and happiness!

It has been a wonderful journey for Daberkadz, a journey that made us who we are today, a journey that taught us to be stronger, braver and bolder in facing life’s challenges. I believe that this journey has a long way to go, but with God as our strong foundation, we will be able to succeed!

Allow me to thank all of you guyz for being so patient with me, for bringing out the best in me despite my frustrations and failures in life. For supporting me with all my decisions. For being there for me despite the distance and time apart. For giving me courage and for understanding my flaws and weaknesses. Most of all, for loving me and accepting me for who and what I am.

If I were to be asked one of the most memorable thing that ever happened to me when I was in college, I will definitely say, when I met my DABERKADZ! we may not be perfect but we're REAL!

Somewhere Down the Road..

Once a Stranger.. 

 

We are both from Pampanga, we speak the same dialect, and most of all we graduated in College from the same University. Why I’m saying this, because I wonder why the hell we never meet before? There was never an instance or incident that we got to bump into each other. I’m not saying that in 4 years and a half that I stayed in that school I must have meet Him or at least know Him, well, it must have been “only” a twist of fate that we went from the said school. Until 1 day, we met, not inside the campus but in a training center. Were both “virgins” in this new line of career that we’re about to partake, to be call center agents! We got introduce, we become group mates and we joint our ideas/thoughts during our fun activities. We hang most of the time, we get bonded, we understand each other’s differences, we laugh a lot, I cried in front of Him, were always together, we can’t be separated at times.  In short, we got along well and we became comfortable with each other. Two individuals who was Once a complete Strangers turn into Friends!=)

Once a Friend..

Since then, I considered Him as a Friend. A Friend whom I gave my Trust and Loyalty, he was my confidence booster, my sounding board whenever I feel like giving up! He made me feel appreciated and accepted. I think that’s the reason why I feel so comfortable whenever were together. There was one time and I will never forget that moment when he said “Keni ka, ali ka mamako keni” (Stay there, don't move away from here). I felt so close to Him, I felt so secured! As each day gets harder and harder for us at work, we became sort of strengths to one another, I helped him and vice versa. We always sit beside each other’s stations. While on petiks mode, we talked a lot, he jokes around, we laughed, we sang together and we even shared our stories with regard to our love life. There was once an instance that he held my hand. It was just a gesture of making me feel how it was holding hands with someone. (I’ve never been into relationship, that’s why I never experienced having someone holding my hand!) Then something came out on my mind, when I got home, I felt something so different, very peculiar from the usual things that I feel. I then asked myself, am I falling in LOVE with Him? By the way, people close to me and so did he know the fact that I was still in Love with someone. I’ve been very consistent with it; in fact, the story that I shared with regard to my Love Life was about this someone. So I never thought nor intended to feel something different until that one day came. Two Strangers turn into Friends, But, No! we didn’t turn to Lovers, I just fell in Love with Him..

I Fell in Love with my Friend..

When the mere thought of having this feeling, I hastily prayed and ask God to guide me whether to pursue this indescribable feeling or stick with my friendship with Him which has grown in a span of 3 months. I chose friendship! For the reason that I know we will much be happy if we maintain our closeness and relationship as Friends. And that we will be better off as Friends. So I tried to ignore my feelings towards Him, I became more careful of my actions, coz I don't want to get any impression from the people around us that I liked Him. Though there were times that they will tease us, I managed to ignore them because in my mind I know that I made a promise to God. Despite the fact that I knew that He was a psychology graduate, I still pretended to be the same person that I used to be when I'm with Him. Unexpectedly, things have gotten out of my control; I was eliminated from work, a very hurtful thing that I need to accept. I feel so disappointed, depressed, frustrated and really gotten mad of that dreadful situation. With all that’s going through my mind, I am much concerned of the fact that I won’t be with him any longer, we won’t be together anymore like we used to be. As a matter of fact, before that unpleasant incident happen, I was so happy because we both left from work just the 2 of us. Then all of sudden I was compel to face the fact and accept my fate! Yes! I did ask God why? (Story concerning to this will come up, soon!).

With all that has happened, I decided to still get in touch with Him among our other friends. I visited them as often as I can.. But there are certain things which I didn’t expect to happen.. Fast forward again, I was having speculations, intuitions, I know in my heart that there is something going on between Him and someone whom I considered as my “closest friend”. The very thought of it really makes me hated them and I really felt betrayed about it! And guess what? My intuition was right! Imagine how I will be able to cope after a distressing incident happen to me regarding my work and then there comes painful realization that my so called closest friend and special friend turn into Lovers. Whatda?!!! After finding the truth about it, I can say that from being Strangers turn into Friends, I fell in Love with Him now we're back to being Strangers again... 

Strangers Again..

The Last time I saw Him was on Nov. 6 of 2010, we haven’t talked nor seen each other since then. I tried to reach out on Him, texted Him but He never replied. For me, I do still consider Him as my Friend, a Friend that I never want to lose. I remember those times when we share our dreams, goals and plans with each other. We even planned things together. I guess life just doesn’t turn out the way we planned it. Maybe God had something better in mind. He was my Friend at most, He made me smile when I’m sad, He made me feel he was concern, He showed me that he cares for me but now everything has completely changed!:( It really makes me sad without knowing the reason why he suddenly changed his treatment on me. I kept asking myself, what have I done wrong to deserve it? I tried to understand the fact that He ignores me because of my feelings for Him, but nevertheless, it is still not a basis for Him to just throw away the friendship we once had. I wish he could tell me what happened, why He has to end his friendship with me that way. Somehow, I might understand Him! I am still hoping that after all that happened; our friendship might have a second chance of renewing it. We’ve gone separate ways; I can see that as time passes by he is able to achieve his goals in life. I am happy for what he has become, though there’s a sign of pain inside my heart that says I wish I am with Him during his triumphs. If you were to ask me If I am still in Love with Him? My answer will be.. Honestly, Yes! I am still in Love with Him! I will always carry this feeling, this thing maybe called Love, for my special Friend!:)

God knows what is inside my heart, I want Him, I want to be with Him, I want to see Him, and I want that Friend whom I used to have back then. I believe that God allowed us to meet in this journey of life because He has a purpose. I thanked God for giving me the opportunity to meet someone like Him, once a stranger turn out to be my Friend, to a Special Friend, in which I never intended nor expect to fell in Love with.

He has forever marked a big part of my life. I will never forget Him and all that we’ve shared and learned somewhere down the road. I miss Him and I Love Him the best way I understand what Love is..!

besties for life..!

FRIENDS are life's BEST treasures.. MONEY may pass away, HONOR may give you PLEASURE, but with FRIENDS LIKE THEM, LIFE is BEAUTIFUL beyond measure :)

This quote has been a proven fact! Having these three beautiful ladies in my life makes my life more colorful and fun! I said so, because my friendship with them stood through the test of time! We met during our Freshmen years in High School, we’ve known each other for 13 years and still counting!

Let me tell you little things about them..

First stop, my besty Shie, Oh Lord! I never thought that will be friends forever, know why? Because I used to just stare at her, I was afraid to talk to her when I first saw her. But impressions really don't last, so we became the very good best friends, from then till now. I know I'm right when I chose her to be my best buddy, because she is the kind of person whom I can turn to and will listen whenever I’m in my indescribable moods! She used to be the kind of girl who was shy, but through the years she has evolved into fine lady and found her niche. Among the four of us, she is the creative one, and she can do multi-tasking. She became independent and learned to live her life to the fullest! She found her love of her life, and I believed that she made the right decision in fighting for her love! I can say that their love story is match made from heaven..Talaga! They are married now, and  they have started a new life in Singapore and hoping that as they pursue their dreams and plans they’ll be able to achieve it!:)

Next is my besty April, she is the funniest ever! She can make things light when things are going hard for someone! I can best describe her as clever and has a very good sense of humor! She's the kind of person that I got to get along well when we were in Freshmen High School! OMG! I will never forget those days when she would just call me with her super loud and nakakabinging voice! (totoo dba?) She's very talkative as in, and there were times that she'll talk to you bluntly in a manner that you won’t get offended but rather you’ll just laugh about it! She's sweet and very fun to be with..;) The funny side of her makes her out stand in everything she does!  Though we haven't been together for quite some time, I know that she is in her way of fulfilling her dreams and I support her all the way! She is in a relationship now with someone who is the exact opposite of her, but loves April the way she is! They have plans of tying the knot and hopefully soon!

Last stop my besty Lhea, she's the most independent, courageous, confident among the four of us! She's definitely one and only! She's the kind of person who will be there for you every step of your way. Sometimes, people misunderstood her personality, but when you get to know her, you'll love her the way she is..:) She's a very positive person, she doesn't like negative vibes come out of her thoughts. I guess that's what make her succeed in every endeavor she wish to take.. tama! Lhea and I have a good chemistry, just one look, it's like we can read each other’s mind. I got to get along well with her the very first day we met and thank God, we make it this far! Most of the time, it’s just the 2 of us, we enjoy doing things and sometimes even silly things just to make our bonding more fun..lol We understand each other’s differences and I guess that's the reason why our friendship went  deeper and grew stronger! She just got married last November, fast forward to their Love story, it made me believe that DESTINY really happens!:) Two people have gone separate ways, after 10 years they found love in each other’s arms and promise to love each other forever!♥

I'm just so happy for their chosen partners in life. I believe that we all share the same dream of finding,meeting and getting married to our Godly mate, glad they found theirs. Hope me too, soon!

We always make time to see each other, though we're kinda busy with our own lives, we try to make our schedules meet so we can hang and bond even just for a day! Our simple get together would simply start with an early dinner buffet on our chosen resto, ( at hindi mawawala ang vegetables kahit na hindi ako kumakain ng gulay dahil silang 3 ay vegetarian! hayyy..ano ba magagawa ko tatlo sila) and then right after we will go to Starbucks to continue our chikahan portion!

While we take pleasure in the nice ambiance of where the Starbucks is located, we enjoy having good conversations, probably with our past experiences, the so called “good old days”. Often times, we reminisced those days back when we were still young, talking about our crushes, first love, first times, even our most embarrassing moments! Kakatawa..:) We also talked about those people whom we actually call "feeling" (hey! you know what I mean)..at kahit masakit na tiyan namin at katawan sa pagkurot sa amin ni Lhea, (alam niyo yun) go parin sa chikahan! 
We do talk about our present lives too, how we were able to manage ourselves after we graduated, how much of our goals were achieved. What else do we like to attain, future plans and so forth.. We also share our stories about our love life, how things have changed after Sheena and Lhea got married, because we all know that being married is far different from being single. April's future plans and most of all my never ending LOVE STORY! Oh my goodness! Furthermore, we go to a point were we talked about things that we think we should be open about and I think that's good. We only learn from each other's experiences, which only goes to show that we became more mature and responsible towards our actions and decisions in life!

In this photo collage that I manage to create; I put Lhea and Sheena on their wedding dresses together with those small pictures with their husbands during their own set of weddings. While I put April and I on our bridesmaids pictures, why? that someday the 2 of us will wear our own wedding dresses too!=) I also included our small pictures, April with her boyfriend soon to be husband and ME with "HIM" the MAN who is very close to my HEART right now..:) (but he's not my boyfriend, detailed story of this coming up!) 

We all dreamed of walking down the aisle, being able to witness their weddings (Sheena and Lhea) made me realize that dreams do come true. Both of their weddings were really breathtaking and very inspiring, I believe that they accomplished their wedding as to what they wanted it to be! Oh! How time really flies so fast, and we're not getting any younger. All of us will eventually come to a decision to settle down with the MAN we choose to spend the rest of our life with, I am glad that Sheena and Lhea found their MAN of their LIFE. April, will soon tie the knot with her long time boyfriend, I know it will be beautiful as Sheena and Lhea had. Well, I'm keeping my hopes up that someday, I will walk down the aisle too, if not with HIM, but with the ONE God choose for me!..:)

besties for LIFE..♥♥♥

I know that every people that come on our lives are with a purpose, and I thank God everyday for blessing me with amazing women in my life. I feel so lucky to be given the chance to have this kind of friends. They are friends who accepted my flaws and imperfections, friends who are willing to help, to uplift me during my depression moments, friends who will be there for me always and though I have failed many times, they still love me. They are my girlfriends beyond measure!♥ There are only few people whom I called my treasures and their part of it. I love them and I plan to keep my friendship with them for life!..:)